I hope you enjoyed your scones. You may even have a few left over. You may even want to share them with a friend (me, perhaps?).
From the title of this post, you probably have a good idea about what I’m grappling with these days. What is the plan? I am a planner by nature. I wake up every morning with a schedule in my mind for how the day is going to go. Sometimes I plan by times (I need to be at the grocery story by 10:00am), sometimes it’s just a list of stuff I want to get done (mostly laundry, cleaning, running, eating…). These days, most of my time is spent trying to guess what Asher’s schedule is going to be and then building my day around that. Not surprisingly, trying to guess Asher’s schedule often keeps me up at night (or in the early morning…) as I try and anticipate what the day is going to bring. That has probably been the hardest adjustment in becoming a mom: suddenly my time is not my own anymore. I have to share every minute, even the minutes that I’m away from Asher are shared with him. I have become the kind of person who bails at the last minute, who shows up late, who doesn’t want to leave the house past 5:00pm, who actually can’t maintain any consistency in my own life because of this teeny, tiny human who is running the show. It’s a good thing he’s super cute!
Now that Asher’s six months old (WHAT?!), it’s a little bit easier to picture what each day is going to look like. He’s not sleeping through the night yet, but his night-time waking/feeding is more consistent, as are his meal and nap times. At this point, I know I am usually awake between 5:00 and 5:30am. I also know that I usually force myself back to sleep for another hour (though at least 15 minutes of that is spent thinking about “the plan”…). I need a new plan. That extra hour needs to be spent writing, or working out, or really anything that will lead me back to my creative self that I lost a little bit when I got pregnant. It’s hard to even see those words written here, because I didn’t want to admit that it’s true. Of course I became a different person when I became a mom, but that doesn’t mean I can’t or shouldn’t retain the creative parts of myself that I’ve worked so hard to cultivate over the last five years.
So, here I go…